I want to grow up to be a stay-at-home mom.
I’ve spent all my life being told that the only way I can be successful is to get a career. Well, I just want to raise some babies.
College has put me into debt. No fucking surprise. You literally cannot avoid that, unfortunately. And I don’t even know if I will be able to start a career once I graduate. I feel like I will be standing there in a cap and gown, piece of paper in hand, loan bills falling at my feet and no earthly idea of what the fuck I will do next. That scares me.
I just want to start a family. I want little kids to call my own. I want to be that mom who makes lunches, takes the kids to their Spanish lessons, decorates the house for every holiday, watches all the silly childrens’ movies while listening to my kids’ laughter. I want a husband, or hell, a wife that will come home and greet me with a kiss and we’ll ask about each other’s day.
People I went to high school with are saying fuck you to the idea of college and they are all doing just fine. They’re more financially well-off than I have ever been. They have kids. They have loving spouses. They work decent jobs and prove that their lives are just fine everyday with pictures of their smiling kids.
I don’t want to fucking miss out on all of that.
I don’t want to spend the rest of my short life struggling and trying to figure out if I have enough money to get a half tank of gas every week. I work and go to school. If I don’t go to school, then I don’t get a better job. If I don’t go to work, then I can never move the fuck out. It’s all such a vicious cycle and I just don’t want to do it anymore. I just want to settle down with someone who wants to be with me forever and start a family.
I’m so frustrated right now.